Main Course, Sandwiches, Tips

A Gourmet Cheezeburger

Get fancy with the grill. Next time you order a cheeseburger, bring your friendly GRLLMSTR a sliced up Granny Smith (a green apple, silly) and ask for a cheeseburger with cheddar. If you want a condiment on that burger, steer away from ketchup or bbq sauce. Go for DIJON mustard and/or honey. Nom nom nom.

Salads and Dressings, Sandwiches

Chicken Salad

We did faux, so now it’s time for the real deal, bitchez.


chicken (remove any piece of chicken, preferably on the bone, from anything on the buffet line and scrape off the sauce)

an apple (GREEN PLEASE)

chopped celery

spoonful of mayonnaise

spoonful of dijon mustard




Get your chicken from the buffet line. If they have chicken on the bone, then GREAT. Cut up your chicken into little pieces, you can even shred it with your fork, and place in a bowl. Chop up your apple and celery and toss that in along with the craisins. Mix in your mayo and mustard. Top off with a little pepper. Fuckyeahchickensalad. Put her in a sandwich if your heart so desires.



Main Course, Salads and Dressings, Sandwiches

Asian Tuna Salad

An asian twist on a college staple. This isn’t for everyone, but give it a try if you’re into exotic shit.

Asian Tuna Salad adapted from here


a spoonful of mayonnaise

a spoonful of chili paste or sriracha

a spoonful of soy sauce

a spoonful of honey

a squeeze of lime (if your dining hall magically happens to have them…)

a spoonful of minced ginger (hello stir fry line)

a bowl of tuna (the plain kind, usually at the salad bar)

some grated carrots

some chopped onions

some cilantro (check out the stir fry line)

some craisins


Mix the first six ingredients in a bowl for your dressing (yes you can count, yes I’m a lazy fuck). Dump everything else in there. Mix it all up realllll good. Chow down.

Note: Like any salad, you can put this between 2 slices of bread (or TOAST) and you gotchurself a great sandwich.

Salads and Dressings

Crunchy Purple Salad

I just had my wisdom teeth out this weekend and I can’t fucking wait to eat crunchy things again. Sweet Jesus I miss my salads. Here’s a colorful crunchy salad to put that red cabbage from the stir-fry line to good use.


chopped red cabbage (check out the stir-fry bar if you can’t find it at the salad bar)

1 GREEN apple (no substitutions here, you need that tartness)

a handful of nuts or seeds (walnuts work best, but whatever will still be yummy)

1 part dijon mustard (the REAL mustard, not the neon French’s)

1 part red wine vinegar (it’s the translucent dark red one, but balsamic will work too)

1 part olive oil

1 part raspberry jam (if you can find this. If not, skip the jam altogether.)


Combine mustard, vinegar, oil, and jam if using in a bowl, and put aside. With a sharp-ass knife, slice your apple into very thin strips. Throw cabbage, apple, and nut/seeds into a bowl.  Toss your salad with that gorgeous dressing.

Note: Try topping this off with slice grilled chicken.

Salads and Dressings, Sandwiches

Faux Chick(pea)en Salad

Chicken Salad is a great thing. Here’s a simple and healthy imitation to try out.


a cup of chickpeas


celery (chop it up)

half of an apple, chopped (GREEN PLEASE)

some sort of seeds or nuts (walnuts if available)

avocado (optional)

a spoonful of mayonnaise (optional)


Using a fork, mash the chickpeas up in a bowl. If using avocado, mash that in now. Add cranberries, chopped celery, chopped apple, and seed/nuts and stir. If using mayonnaise, stir that shit in. Thereyougo.

Note: This is good all on its own, or you can put it in a sandwich/pita with some lettuce on top.


Early Thanksgiving Sandwich

They have Thanksgiving at the dining hall at Appel like every other week. Here’s your opportunity to make a great fucking sandwich. Why eat things separately when you can eat them in a SANDWICH.


2 slices of bread (i like multi-grain)

sliced roast turkey


cranberry sauce


gravy (optional)


Slab on some turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and top with some lettuce. Dip your sandwich in gravy if you’re into that.


Egg Salad Sandwich

This is some simple shit right here.


2-3 hard boiled eggs

a spoonful of mayonnaise

2 slices of bread


Smash up those eggs with a spoon and then stir in the mayonnaise. Pop that between 2 slice of bread.

Notes: Egg salad is pretty delicious on its own so feel free to skip out on the bread. Add chopped onions and/or tomatoes for some extra flava.